Be An Effective Communicator

Be an effective communicator.

The purpose of communication is two-fold:

1.       To make the other person understand your thoughts, and

2.       To understand the other person’s thoughts.

Hence, communication is primarily a two way process. Nobody can work in isolation. Everybody has to work with other people to achieve results. So, the basic requirement to become successful, is effective communication.

Communication is a very complicated process. We are not going to discuss the process here. One post will not be enough, if we want to. We will focus only on ways and means to become an effective communicator.

If we really want to become an effective communicator, we must first become good listeners. If the other person perceives that he is being ignored, that will result in unpleasant relationships. Consider the differences below.

                              Feeling of Being Listened to                                   Feeling of Not Being Listened to

Important                                                                 Neglected

Pleased                                                                     Dejected

Satisfied                                                                    Let Down

Worthwhile                                                              Embarrassed

Cared for                                                                   Ignored

Good                                                                          Rejected

Happy                                                                        Annoyed

Appreciated                                                             Unimportant

Encouraged                                                              Demotivated

Inspired                                                                    Disheartened

·          Many a times we don’t understand people because we don’t listen properly.

·         Listening is much more than hearing.

·         Show your willingness to listen. Put the other person in comfort zone by minimizing distractions.

·         Stop listening with an intention to respond. Start listening with an intention to understand.

·         Give your full attention to people while they talk to you.

·         Listen to what people are trying to communicate, not to just what they are saying.

·         Maintain correct body language, eye contact, and facial expression.

·         Ask open ended questions.

·         Listen at least as much as you talk.

·         Wait for the other person to complete before giving any reply. Understand and weigh what you have listened. Then formulate the reply and deliver.

·         There are four intentions in communication, especially when people want to communicate with us. Know all the four intentions thoroughly and make use of the same. The following tables throw more light on the intentions.

      Intention 1.  The facts.

People want to	Convey Information
Your task is to	Listen to details and clarify
You need to ask	“Who?” “What?” “Where?” “Why?” “When?” “How?”
Your goal is to	Picture the situation as the person is describing it.

Intention 2. Meaning.

People want to	Make themselves understood
Your task is to	Listen to the big picture, summarize and paraphrase
You need to ask	“Am I understanding you correctly?” “Is this what you are getting at?”
Your goal is to	Understand what the person means, and make the other person feel understood.

Intention 3. Feeling

People want to	Connect on emotional level
Your task is to	Listen with empathy, pay attention to body language and tone of voice
You need to ask	“How does it make you feel?” “It sounds to me like you are feeling …”
Your goal is to	Recognize how the person is feeling and make the other person feel connected

Intention 4. Needs

People want to	Get their needs met
Your task is to	Listen to wants and needs, focus on solutions, action steps and outcomes
You need to ask	“What do you want to have happen?” “What would help you in this situation?” “What can you/we do about it?”
Your goal is to	Know what the person wants to achieve

To effectively communicate, you should connect with people. Exercise the following:

·         Pay attention to people’s body language, facial expressions, and tone.

·         Try to understand the other person’s perspective.

·         Avoid criticizing, and making judgments.

·         Adjust your communication style to match theirs.

While communicating:

·         Align your body language, facial expression, and tone with your message. There cannot be a mismatch.

·         Speak with sincerity and conviction.

·         Follow the rule: KISS – Keep it short and simple.

·         Use face to face communication as much as possible.

·         Ask for feedback.

·         At the end ask the other person to summarize what he has understood.

·         Don’t try to get too many messages across. People do not retain more than three.

In short, make the communication as a pleasant one. People must love to communicate with you. They should not get repelled.